my own sign in id and pwd. duh. hence the delay in posting comments and just blogging. What is this? Early Alzheimers? Hmm. Also if anyone’s wondering why Im being so rude and not replying to comments, I cant figure out why WordPress is so complicated about that. Havent figured it out yet.
Veteran’s day tommorrow. Unexpected break in the middle of the week and its so nice that. Kids are looking forward to playdates and just lounging. Whatis this post about? I dont know. Just a post to post something I guess!
I havent tasted Belgian hot chocolate or mint hot chocolate. How come? I dont know why I wrote that except it came to mind! Y’know actually the thing is, is that Im feeling very conflicted. See I went through all of last year at Noshi’s school just being there to pick her up and drop her. I was very happy with that equation because I’m not the make conversation with everybody type. I cant. I used to. Now I cant make myself do it even if I promise myself a kaju katli after that.
This year is different. I have to get in there and get to know people because Reh’s in there, Im free, have joined the PTA and it might look ridiculous and scary if there’s this woman who shows up for PTA meetings and hangs around and then goes home. I mean obviously my problem is with what people might think of me. Is she a nut? and the probably other things like that. I cant find it in me to just get out there and add my 2 cents to whatever’s going on. Dont get me wrong, I am on great terms with the few people I do respect and we have a good time catching up or discussing whatever’s up. For the most part though I’m wishing the bell would ring and I can just go home. I love listening. Its talking that I hate. Not very helpful right? My social and cognitive skills need fine tuning.
There’s this new mom who moved into the neighbourhood this year and she already is on great terms with everyone. So what is my problem? Wanting to be popular or just being comfortable with the fact that thats not me and it doesnt mean there’s something wrong with me for not being like that? Guess I used to be like that and not anymore and I miss or wonder about that part of myself. Naaah, cant say I miss it, it must be this whole what must people be thinking about me thing. I swear to God, if there was one thing I could change about myself, it would be this what would they think of me mentality.
34 and still struggling with high school issues.
Today is the little one’s birthday. We are now officially five. 5. The big 5. His personality is set and we are now beholding the sweet, funny, chatterbox he is, boundaries more drawn than mine are even now at this age.
Happy Birthday Reh,
Im glad we’re at such a nice place in our relationship, than it was maybe a year ago. Im glad we reached out to each other and responded. Im happy I understand you now even more than I do your sister who deserves a post all her own. Im proud of the impulsive, well-behaved person you are. I know you inherited ur room cleaning, organising tendencies from your Dad and Im all the more peaceful for it. I just hope hormones dont turn them askew.
I love how youre sillily competitive, how you have to compete for affection even though its all yours, have to be the first in line, have to have what you want and will wait for it. I love how you keep saying I love EVERYBODY in the family not just you, Dad and Noshi mama! exasperatedly. I love how you will blindly be good to a person and listen to nothing negative about them as long as you like them. Also a trait from your father. I love how you remember names of authors of the books you’ve read. The books too. I love how you make deals and ask for breaks even before you’ve started homework. I love how you made it easy for me to decide by saying you dont like Audis. Mercs and BMWs are better.
I love how you irritate your sister, make up silly songs that make us all crack up and how the word foofoo makes YOU crack up. F makes you laugh. You dont say memember or lellow anymore. Oh well. Was cho chweet while it lasted. You’re skinny and I miss my butterball. No school days make you do cartwheels in glee but you’re happy to go too. Transformers are your thing, you hate going to restaurants, you love dancing naked, you talk good on the phone unlike your sister who hates talking on one. You’re very particular that everyone who comes to your party leaves with a decent goody bag and not just baubles and dollar store stuff. When someone asked you what mom’s doing for your birthday you said making a Transformer cake and biriyani with a (I must save my mom’s dignity look on your face – LOL) even though you knew we’re not doing anything since you’re down with pneumonia. Bad timing buddy, BUT this just means we’ll have a bigger and better party. Everyone’s been waiting for a month already calling everyday with a countdown report so we’re going to make it worthwile right?
You are my sonshine, my only sonshine..You make me happyeee!, when skies are gray…just like Will here!
Happy Birthday Reh…I love you!
Yesterday we were at the school park and Reh comes running to me, he was playing Tag. I get a whirlwind, swooshy spin on my toes and Reh goes – “my mom’s the base!! My mom’s the base!” Only I kept hearing – “My mom’s the bhains! My mom’s the bhains!!”….. and I shushed him. Also looked around to see if anyone else heard it like I did. He looked at me like – ‘what you dont Like to be the base??’
Era and anyone else who didna comprehend – bhains means buffalo…
Sigh. Remind me to stand far away when That game is on.
Leaving you with a pic of him on the first day of school. Well technically the second bcos the first I realised the camera had no charge. Yea, I can see it – how he’s going to wonder how come I didnt have it charged. Second kids I tell you.
Been a while since I uploaded snaps of the kids…here we go. I have no idea what happened to the camera – seems to have gotten a mind of its own. So forgive the crazy lighting.
Cant remember where I got off but SO much has happened. Maybe thats why I got off. :))) Reh is a full-time schooler now, I joined the gym, my mom came and left in a blink, holidays, the whole summer actually just blazed by in a wink and now I’m in denial that Winter’s round the corner. I’m ignoring fall and constantly have a ‘O’ expression when i catch myself in the car mirrors. Like I cant register its cold and I need to dress accordingly.
NO NO NO. I am not ready for winter this time. I didnt thaw after the last!! I remember putting winter paraphernalia away not that long ago and last weekend, grudgingly re-instated them. Why am I cribbing so much about the weather? I think the husband and all these years of him cribbing have rubbed off on me. I think that calls for an anniversary celebration – things like that signal marital been-together-for-a-decent-time-I-think.
Reh’s taken to school awesomely. Nuff said. Jinx you right back if u so much dwell on that for a microsecond more. Be gone from that line now.
Nosh lost her first tooth. It was a intense affair in that every micromillimeter it moved, we were all informed and shown of developments over and over. I think a few international calls were made too. Finally when it did fall off we she was alone in school and her friends and teacher made a big hoo ha of it which is just as well bcos I would have made such a bad job of that God knows. By the time I decided between saving it or chucking it (I still have her nails and navel bit-piece or whatever one calls it) the cleaning woman made it easy for me by whacking it into the dustpan. Nosh doesnt know yet but someday I guess on reading this blog she will experience some angst at her mother’s cold-heartedness.
I’ve figured no matter what I do, the kids will remember the stentorian persona of me.
Reh’s on a Transformer craze. I was actually happy because where most kids have some kind of obsession with a particular doll or cartoon character or some such, mine had none. Various aunts and cousins made-believe Dora was Nosh’ thing and Bob was Reh’s but naah. Those things just disappeared the moment they came home. Transformers though was the first movie that Reh sat through. Open-mouthed. I didnt have the heart to distract him during the kissing or other such ‘oopsy’ scenes either… I didnt want to break the spell!…. Nosh still hasnt. But! it will be a decade Im sure by the time we sit through a Hindi movie. Nosh kept looking around for popcorn or other people’s reactions. Staring bug-eyed at mine or her cousins’ faces. Like vicariously enjoying a movie. (you know what I mean?! – of course it can be done!)
So we celebrated by fanning the Transformer fire and now its in DS games,Halloween costume (Optimus Prime – who else), loot bag, I think we have a birthday coming up with some truck turned superhero on it too soon. Thank God he dint ask for cupcakes with the same passion.
Nosh though – as usual – the waters run deep and so undeep right up there on the surface mom that I am, we have our swords drawn the older she gets and being on the defensive being my primary state of mind, we have our eyebrows knitting at each other for more time than I think is healthy for our relationship. But fear not! Sometimes I do listen to better reason and back down and try and understand or at least pretend I understand what she’s all about. Yes, I know it wont be long till she catches on to my plan and realises what a floozie I’ve been being. Onward we go.
Ive been gymming 5 days a week, not so strict with the diet and therefore feel much fitter than I did a month ago. Have a visit with the endocrinologist coming up. I hope nothing’s wrong but wouldnt it be great if they found out oh it WAS my metabolism all this while and gave me something that would help me lose the weight? Oh I can dream.
Thats it for now.
P.S. – any Nikon owners here? I am saving up to buy one. Just not sure if its a waste for amateurs or no. No, I wont be going for classes. I hate being told what to do. Pathologically. I know. Might sound arrogant but really I am timid and when someone tells me what to do, I just lose myself in there somewhere and Im trying to not let that happen anymore.
See you tommorrow.