I forgot

my own sign in id and pwd. duh. hence the delay in posting comments and just blogging. What is this? Early Alzheimers? Hmm. Also if anyone’s wondering why Im being so rude and not replying to comments, I cant figure out why WordPress is so complicated about that. Havent figured it out yet.

Veteran’s day tommorrow. Unexpected break in the middle of the week and its so nice that. Kids are looking forward to playdates and just lounging. Whatis this post about? I dont know. Just a post to post something I guess!

I havent tasted Belgian hot chocolate or mint hot chocolate. How come? I dont know why I wrote that except it came to mind! Y’know actually the thing is, is that Im feeling very conflicted. See I went through all of last year at Noshi’s school just being there to pick her up and drop her. I was very happy with that equation because I’m not the make conversation with everybody type. I cant. I used to. Now I cant make myself do it even if I promise myself a kaju katli after that.

This year is different. I have to get in there and get to know people because Reh’s in there, Im free, have joined the PTA and it might look ridiculous and scary if there’s this woman who shows up for PTA meetings and hangs around and then goes home. I mean obviously my problem is with what people might think of me. Is she a nut? and the probably other things like that. I cant find it in me to just get out there and add my 2 cents to whatever’s going on. Dont get me wrong, I am on great terms with the few people I do respect and we have a good time catching up or discussing whatever’s up. For the most part though I’m wishing the bell would ring and I can just go home. I love listening. Its talking that I hate. Not very helpful right? My social and cognitive skills need fine tuning.

There’s this new mom who moved into the neighbourhood this year and she already is on great terms with everyone. So what is my problem? Wanting to be popular or just being comfortable with the fact that thats not me and it doesnt mean there’s something wrong with me for not being like that? Guess I used to be like that and not anymore and I miss or wonder about that part of myself. Naaah, cant say I miss it, it must be this whole what must people be thinking about me thing. I swear to God, if there was one thing I could change about myself, it would be this what would they think of me mentality.

34 and still struggling with high school issues.

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One response to this post.

  1. Don’t pressure yourself. When a topic comes up that you feel strongly about, then voice your opinion. Until then you are supporting them with your presense.

    Reply

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